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By God's grace, at 4:28 PM (EST) on April 26, 2024, Suheun was born.
Today marks 124 days since her birth. The busy days of pastoring and parenting (though I feel guilty as my wife has been shouldering most of the parenting) have left me with no time to write. I’ve been thinking that if I could just take a few days off, I’d catch up on writing—today marks the start of that break. I want to write something that will bring a smile to my face when I read it in the future, recalling these days. I begin this writing with the thought of enjoying it with the two women I love, Suheun and Seong Ri. This is the story of what happened during the 124 days since my daughter Suheun was born, though I should probably start a bit earlier.
Complications During Pregnancy
There were quite a few complications while Suheun was in the womb. She wasn't growing well, which caused us a lot of concern. She was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR) and was only in the 4th percentile (meaning she was about the size of the fourth smallest baby out of a hundred). We were advised that it might be better to deliver her early, as this could be the best way to ensure her survival. To determine the optimal timing for delivery, we visited the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) clinic every Monday for detailed ultrasounds and received analysis every Thursday from our obstetrician, Dr. John Lee.
For a couple like us, who struggle with communication, the time spent at MFM could have been really tough. However, for over a month, our senior pastor and his wife accompanied us every Monday. Knowing that Monday is the only day off for pastors, we deeply appreciated their support. This act of kindness touched my heart, making me grateful and respectful towards them. It made me reflect on whether I could be this dedicated to supporting a fellow pastor and their family when I return to senior pastorship.
We also owe a great debt of love to the members of Korean Church of Atlanta. What started as a prayer request shared with a few people quickly spread throughout the congregation, and many prayed tearfully for us. Thanks to those prayers and support, Suheun was able to be born nearly full-term. When the birth was imminent, she surpassed the 10th percentile benchmark and was safely delivered. Suheun was a breech baby, meaning she remained head-up in the womb, so a C-section was necessary. However, this didn’t concern us at all, as we were just thankful for a healthy delivery. Interestingly, both my wife and I were also born via C-section.
Three Baby Showers
Initially, Suheun's baby shower was being organized by our young adult group member, Elizabeth Cho. Unfamiliar with American customs, my wife and I felt burdened at first, but as we received so much love and joy from those who genuinely wanted to celebrate with us, we decided to graciously accept it.
However, due to the uncertainty around Suheun's birth, we had to cancel the shower. Elizabeth understood and kept us in her prayers. As the situation improved, Elizabeth insisted on setting a date and inviting people, even suggesting that we proceed in faith, regardless of whether Suheun had already arrived.
A beautiful party room was decorated next to the youth group room, and the young adults worked together to create something special. Elizabeth's mother prepared the food, which was truly amazing. I kept thinking, "They're doing all this for us?" and was overwhelmed with gratitude.
Last October, when Elizabeth's mother first heard about our pregnancy, she had prepared homemade Korean lunch boxes for us—a gesture I still vividly remember. The taste was unforgettable, but even more so was the care and love she showed us.
The second baby shower was a surprise party prepared by the Riverflow Worship Team. In reality, it wasn’t much of a surprise. During the preparation, I learned about some tensions within the team, which led to a prayer request, and that’s how I found out about the baby shower. It pained me to know that these differences stemmed from a desire to give us the best experience possible. I initially thought, "Why are they going to such lengths, even causing friction?" But when I saw the event, it made sense—it was almost like a full-scale event. The feelings of regret and burden transformed into deep gratitude. Once again, I found myself thinking, "They love us this much?"
When the worship team and the senior pastor and his wife sang "Jacob's Blessing," tears welled up in my eyes. Being someone who easily cries, I might have sobbed if I hadn’t tried to hold back.
Riverflow Worship's members range in age from high schoolers to those in their 60s. I think our team might have the most diverse age group among all modern worship teams. I deeply respect them; they are living the dream I have of praising God until my last breath.
Among the members, those around forty years old are the most numerous, and they have also become my parenting teachers. Even now, they share valuable tips for raising Suheun. In particular, Deacon Seondeok, Deacon Jenna, and Deacon Shinae often hold and care for Suheun. I hope Suheun remembers them even as she grows up.
The third baby shower was organized by the seniors of our church. Elder Jongseok Lee and Deacon Jungnam Jeong, who have always supported me and the Korean Young Adult Ministry I lead, arranged a gathering with close friends. Elder Lee, a retired psychiatrist and the oldest member of our church at 90, is remarkably healthy for his age.
About eight people attended, but around thirty others also contributed gifts. The heartfelt prayers were written in the congratulatory cards. My wife made thank-you cards listing the names on the congratulatory cards and handed them to Deacon Jungnam Jeong. Looking at the names, some faces came to mind, but others I did not know, which made me feel sorry. I tried to express my gratitude by searching for names in the church records or asking Pastor Ko, but I still feel deeply humbled by the overwhelming love we received.
Even before Suheun was born, she was already receiving an overwhelming amount of love.
Kim Suheun, Welcome to the World
On Friday, April 26, we headed to Emory Johns Creek Hospital, fully prepared, with my wife and mother. After a prayer from our senior pastor, who then returned to church for the Friday service, Pastor Go Soonseok stayed a bit longer to assist with translation. With everyone's prayers, I felt reassured. As the surgery time approached 4 PM, my heart raced with a mix of excitement about meeting Suheun, the responsibility of becoming a father, and concern for my wife.
After my wife entered the operating room, Dr. John Lee came by and reassured me, saying, "Don't worry, it’ll be over soon. The nurse will call you in after I begin." By the way, Dr. John Lee is known for speaking quickly, sometimes too fast to understand, but in that moment, his words were crystal clear. I must have been fully alert, sharpening all my senses.
While waiting outside, I recorded a video message for Suheun: "Suheun, Daddy is waiting for you to be born. Suheun, I already—and always—love you. Let's meet soon. Stay strong." In hindsight, it feels a bit embarrassing, so I decided to just keep the photos as memories. I'll leave the video in the cloud for now and decide later whether to show it to Suheun when she grows up.
A nurse then called me in, saying they were about to deliver the baby. I walked in, excited, and went to my wife's side. Her face was glowing with anticipation. Then, moments later, I heard a tiny cry—"Wah!" It was Suheun’s first cry, signaling her arrival into the world.
April 26, 2024, at 4:28 PM (EST), Kim Suheun is born!
Crying loudly and healthily, Suheun entered the world.
The joy and overwhelming emotions of that moment are indescribable.
"Honey, we’re parents now!"
As expected, Suheun was born a bit small at 2.6kg.
But what does it matter? We can raise her big and strong.
I’m just so thankful that she was born healthy.
Suheun grabbed my hand. In that moment, an overwhelming sense of responsibility washed over me.
And I thought, "Yes, Suheun, I won't let go of your hand. Daddy will take care of you. As you grow, I'll strive to be a father you can be proud of. I’ll do my best to be an honest and faithful pastor before God, and a father you can always look up to."
And that’s how I became a father.
In the U.S. , they don't keep you in the hospital for long.
Surprisingly, in the U.S., both the mother and baby are discharged the day after delivery. Even more surprising is that they offer free ice cream and cold juice to new mothers. It’s available in a communal fridge, but I was the one who enjoyed it the most. Americans find it natural to eat these right after giving birth, which is quite different from the Korean tradition of eating seaweed soup for postpartum recovery. Fortunately, my mother arrived a week early, so we were able to have seaweed soup the traditional way. My mother went through a lot to help us, even driving in a foreign country to bring seaweed soup to the hospital.
Since Suheun was born on Friday, we had arranged for a newborn photo session on Monday morning. The hospital accommodated us, allowing us to stay from Friday to Monday—three nights and four days. Now, let me share a few of those photos.
Newborn Photos of Suheun
I can't believe such a beautiful being exists! The words of Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" came to mind instantly.
Jessica Limon, the photographer, was a true expert in newborn photography. Her dedication to the session was almost miraculous. (Not only was she exceptional at capturing the photos, but her skill in soothing and putting Suheun to sleep was truly remarkable.)
About the Name...
am the 26th generation descendant of the Cheongrojanggun branch of the Cheongpung Kim clan. In our family, the generational syllable, "Ju" (周), is passed down as part of the name. The syllable alternates between being placed at the beginning or end of the name; for the 26th generation, it’s placed at the beginning. That's why my name is Kim Joopyung, my sister's name is Kim Juhye, and my relatives have names like Kim Juwoo, Kim Jumi, Kim Juhong, Kim Juhyuk, and so on, all using "Ju" as the generational syllable.
As a traditionalist, I took pride in maintaining this naming convention and was proud to be born into the Cheongpung Kim clan. However, the challenge arose with the naming convention for my child, who would be the 27th generation. The generational syllable for this generation is "Gu," placed at the end of the name. So, my child would have been named something like Kim 〇gu, with "Gu" meaning "nine" (九).
I've actually been concerned about this since childhood. I knew I would have to follow the rule of naming my child with "〇gu," but I could never think of a name that sounded good. The more common names were already taken by my nephews and nieces. (In fact, I eventually stopped aiming for a cool name and just wanted to find a name that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.)
I also briefly entertained the crazy idea of naming my child Soccer, Baseball, or Basketball, hoping they’d become a great athlete.
Then I came up with the name "Jigu" (至九). It symbolizes reaching the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit and also evokes Earth (Jigu in Korean), which I found quite beautiful.
However, as time passed, a new issue arose: God gave us a daughter. I had always envisioned having a son, teaching him sports, music, and academics myself, saving on tutoring costs, and even had dreams of taking him to the sauna to scrub his back. I never really considered having a daughter—or perhaps, I just didn’t think about it.
Isn't it a bit harsh to use the generational syllable "Gu" for a girl?
After much deliberation, I decided to discuss this with my father.
To my surprise, he easily said, "You don't have to use it. It's fine. Don't worry; let's choose a pretty name." I felt a mix of relief and slight disappointment at how easily it was resolved. We then asked my father to name his granddaughter, and my wife and I prayed as we waited.
One day, during a phone call, my father referred to my wife as "Seoeun’s mom." My wife and I burst out laughing—he had already named her! I asked, "Is my daughter’s name Seoeun?"
He replied, "Yes, but I haven't finalized the characters yet. 'Eun' is 'grace' (恩), but I'm still deciding between two characters for 'Seo': 'Silmari Seo' (緖), meaning the beginning, and 'Sangseoro Seo' (瑞), meaning an auspicious beginning."
In the end, my father decided on the character "瑞" meaning "auspicious," making our daughter’s name Kim Suheun (金瑞恩).
- Auspicious Grace: This name signifies the beginning of a blessed and fortunate grace.
* Suheun's birth certificate spells her name as "Suheun." Pastor Hyukwon Kwon carefully chose this spelling to be as close as possible to "Seoeun" in pronunciation when read by Americans. Although "Suh-Eun" would be more accurate, the hyphen could cause issues with documents, so "Suheun" was recommended.
Suheun also has a middle name, "Elee."
She was born in the U.S. and is an American citizen. Although we don't know how long she will stay in the U.S., we decided she would need an English name. I initially suggested "Mayweather," inspired by the undefeated boxer, with the hope that Suheun would grow to be a strong fighter in life. However, I was more drawn to the name's meaning, "May weather," symbolizing warmth and resilience—qualities I hoped she would embody. Moreover, her original due date was May 10th, making the name even more fitting.
But when I casually mentioned the name, it was immediately opposed by none other than Pastor Hyukwon Kwon. He was concerned that the name might seem like a joke and could lead to teasing, just as the otherwise positive name "옥동자 Okdongja" became comedic due to a TV character. The last thing he wanted was for our daughter to face unnecessary challenges because of her name.
Pastor Go Soonseok gently suggested reconsidering, pointing out that while the name "Riverflow Worship"
grew on him over time, he wasn't sure the same would happen with "Mayweather" as a child's name.
Given my respect for them, I had to reconsider.
Meanwhile, my wife loved the name "Mayweather," finding it beautiful. However, I knew she wasn't familiar with Floyd Mayweather. Eventually, after looking him up on Google, she joined the "strongly opposed" camp.
My plan to name Suheun "Mayweather" was thus abandoned.
Then one day, I received a call from Pastor Go Soonseok. "I thought of a great name! I just wanted to share it with you—how about 'Elee'? It means 'to exalt God.' I think spelling it as E-L-E-E would distinguish it from Eli, the priest. I was thinking of Suheun and it just came to me, so I wanted to recommend it to you."
As soon as I heard it, I knew this was the one. My wife agreed as well. We responded before ending the call, "Thank you, Pastor. Elee is such a beautiful name. Suheun Elee Kim—that’s our child’s name."
And so, Suheun became Elee Kim instead of Mayweather Kim.
Elee (עֵלִי): To exalt God.
Suheun Elee Kim
>The beginning of a blessed and auspicious grace, one who exalts God.
Ps. Suheun's nickname during pregnancy was "Millie." My wife had a dream where she won 1 billion won, so we called her Millie, short for "million dollars."
Sunday, Between Apology and Gratitude
On Sunday, I returned to church for the 3rd service and the youth sermon. Though a colleague covered the Friday service, I felt uneasy about missing another day, so I asked my wife for understanding. Some joked that this might become ammunition for future arguments, but I trusted in her character and our partnership.
I felt sorry for leaving just two days after Suheun’s birth, but I was deeply grateful to my wife for encouraging me to fulfill my duties. My mother filled in for me at the hospital.
My mother also endured a lot, especially at her age, traveling across the world to help us and adjusting to our situation despite her discomfort. I can only feel a mix of guilt and gratitude towards her.
Discharge, Heading Home
On Monday, the 29th, we completed the discharge process. The hospital emphasized the importance of having a proper, safe car seat ready. Deacon Noh Seongcheol and Deaconess Noh Soojeong had gifted us a car seat, so we were well-prepared. Elder Kim Changshik also gave us a larger car seat, so we're set for when Suheun grows.
We secured Suheun in the car seat, showed the attendant, and received clearance to go home.
Now I see how tiny she was. Now, she almost fills up the car seat.
My mother prepared the house for Suheun's arrival, making sure everything was spotless and safe for her. It was clear she had worked hard to eliminate anything that could potentially harm Suheun's health.
May 1st, Each Day She Looks Different
Since coming home, Suheun has grown rapidly. The words of seasoned parents about how quickly babies grow are starting to resonate with me.
It's only been a week since she was born, but her features are becoming more defined. She’s beginning to resemble both of us in various ways.
Her eyebrows take after her mother, while her fast-growing hair is like mine. Her high nose resembles her mother’s, but the roundness of her nostrils is like mine. She’s inherited my long fingers and toes, while her philtrum resembles her mother’s.
Her ears are just like mine, her eyes’ horizontal shape like her mother’s, and the vertical shape like mine. The shape of her mustache area is like mine, and her forehead resembles her mother’s.
She seems to have inherited the best of both of us. She’s so beautiful—how can she be this gorgeous?
Yes, I’m an unabashedly proud father.
May 17th, Beautiful Suheun
What more needs to be said?
She's gradually transforming into someone who truly looks like a little girl.
The word "Lovely" suits her perfectly.
June 6th, Pediatric Appointment
After the initial pediatric check-up following discharge, Suheun’s next appointment was delayed nearly two months due to insurance issues. Thankfully, Suheun is now covered by Medicaid, which exempts most medical costs. Medicaid is a U.S. public health assistance program for low-income individuals and those with disabilities, and I’m grateful for this support.
In Korea, we wouldn’t be considered low-income, but the cost of living in the U.S. is extremely high. Despite not having an abundance, we’ve been blessed to receive so much support, especially from our church community. Raising a child is expensive, but we haven't felt the burden thanks to the generosity of our church members. From clothing to diapers, car seats, strollers, and other baby essentials, everything has been provided. We’ve even received more than we need, allowing us to share with others.
The saying that it takes a village to raise a child rings true—our entire church has been helping us raise Suheun. This is truly God’s grace.
I am deeply grateful, and the only way to repay this is through sincere and honest ministry.
June 9th, Thinking Suheun
Suheun's sleeping pose is incredibly cute. She reminds me of Rodin's "The Thinker." Exhausted, I lay down on the bed, and my wife placed Suheun next to me. The way she rests her feet on my stomach is both cheeky and adorable.
June 14th, 50 Days Old
A photo taken to celebrate Suheun’s 50th day.
The mat she’s lying on was a gift from a church member, who embroidered "ELEE KIM" on it.
July 11th, First Family Outing
Our family had our first meal out, and of course, we chose to have meat. Although Suheun didn't eat any herself, my wife did, so I hope the nutrients were passed on through her milk.
I personally hope that Suheun grows up to love meat—after all, that would make her truly my daughter.
July 29th, First Outing - Georgia Aquarium
We took our first family outing to the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta’s downtown (joined by Pastor Kwon's family: his wife, daughter Soonha, and son Sujin). Suheun's curious gaze reminded me of myself. She watched everything intently, and I thought that maybe planning a road trip wouldn't be too challenging. However, that notion quickly vanished when, after 30 minutes of quietly waiting, Suheun began crying just as the dolphin show started. I ended up taking her outside where she eventually fell asleep in my arms.
No matter what, these moments will become cherished memories. Let’s explore more places together, Suheun.
*Reflecting on this, I recall how my father always dedicated his entire vacation time to taking me on themed trips, despite his busy schedule in public service. He would carefully plan and guide me through various experiences, even in the days before GPS, using paper maps. Now that I have a child, my admiration for him has grown even more. My father was a great dad, and because of him, I have a strong foundation for being a good father myself.
July 30th, First Vaccination
Suheun received her first shot at the pediatrician’s office today. She was lying there with a bright smile, but as soon as the needle pricked her, she started crying with a very sorrowful expression, tears rolling down her cheeks. Personally, I find the photo of Suheun crying her heart out quite endearing. Isn’t she just too cute?
August 3rd, 100 Days Since Birth!
It’s already been 100 days since Suheun was born. We had planned to host the senior pastor and Pastor Go Soonseok with his wife for a simple meal to celebrate, but my wife caught a cold while cleaning the house for the first time since giving birth, so we had to cancel. Pastor Go stopped by briefly to drop off the 100-day rice cake he had ordered and prayed for Suheun. His thoughtful gesture left me feeling warm and grateful.
August 11th, New Baby Prayer
With the prayers of all the church members, Suheun was born safely and is growing healthily. Today, she was introduced to those who prayed for her. Pastor Hyukwon Kwon offered a blessing prayer, and I prayed that Suheun would grow up understanding the meaning and value of this prayer.
August 24th, Suheun’s First Roll Over
Suheun finally succeeded in her first rollover after several attempts. Now, she spends her days rolling over and back, even trying to crawl with intense focus, resembling an athlete in training. Watching her is a delight.
Reflecting on Fatherhood
Writing these memories, I'm starting to truly feel the weight of being a father. I find myself admiring my parents even more, understanding my mother’s relentless care for me as I watch my wife with Suheun.
Faces of those who prayed for us also come to mind—especially our senior pastor and his wife, who supported us from the beginning, Pastor Go, who has been like a mother to us here, and all the members of Korean Church of Atlanta UMC who showered us with love and prayers.
I'm especially grateful to my wife, who supports me in my pastoral duties and embraces the isolated moments with our child as a source of joy.
God, I thank You for all of this. I will live in gratitude, believing that You will help us build a beautiful family of faith through Suheun.
First day of summer vacation 2024, at Sylvan Valley Lodge - The End
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